My last visit to the Neurologist

Last Wedneday, I had an appointment with my fairly new neurologist for this damn CIDP diagnosis. Last summer, when I was first diagnosed, he happened to be on call for my doctor, and I thought he was brilliant. He sat down for about 20 minutes in my hospital room and explained what was going on with me. I really appreciated the time he took, and the level of knowledge he seemed to possess. Well, now that I have been forced to switch to him due to insurance reasons, the scenario is quite different. I was in his office for about 45 minutes, and I walked away more frustrated than ever before. Its like getting a bill through Congress in trying to make him understand my symptoms, and how to treat them effectively. Since this past summer, I've been getting 1/2 the dose I normally get (from my old doctor), and its just not enough. I'm much weaker in my legs, arms, and hands, and my balance is so off, I look like a drunk trying to walk down an alley sometimes. There's a whole laundry list of other symptoms, that I wont go into, but suffice to say... I'm not getting enough IVIG to function at my best.... if there is a "best" in this life I call a living hell. I cant imagine any of my family and friends would be so selfish as to want this daily torture for me. I'm only going to be able to stand it for so long. If the doctors cant get their act together, and help me not feel like shit 90% of the time, then I'm going to take the matter into my own hands. I've had all I can stand of this life. CIDP is torture, but there are also other categories in my life that are never going to improve or change for the better. My family is in shambles. There is no support for anyone except when Mom is involved. I believe that John, Mom, and I are trying to make it better for us 3, but the rest of the members.... pride, mental illness, alcoholism, and just a downright refusal to admit mistakes and apologize and/or foster and maintain relationships are the obstacles. Sooner or later, there is going to be a really bad reason for my family to come together, but by then it will be too late. My only hope is that the event will jump start the process of healing for everyone. I dont have much faith that will happen. Time will tell though. My finances are another story. I cant afford IVIG, even with two insurances. I pay $1,000/month for health insurance. I'll never have my own place, and will be forced to live in that dark and depressing house. Dont get me wrong, I'm grateful for everything Mom has done for me... but I feel like a caged bird with broken wings thrown in a dark dungeon. I'd LOVE to have small apartment, so that I can have a dog... and be able to talk on the phone without "people" listening in on my business, etc etc etc. Its called Freedom. And, I crave and require it. Well, enough bitch-moaning and complaining for 1 session. I feel better getting it off my chest, if anything. Here's to another day of misery - cheers!